When the DoD permanently retired Nicholas, they dropped his disability rating from 60% to 20%, and technically with 20% you can still serve in the US military (but he can't because he's retired now), so basically, no matter how much we want(ed) to kick and scream about it, God was closing the door to active duty. There are guys still serving in active duty in the Corps with prosthetic legs, so I mean, it had to be God closing the door. It took time to process, and probably more than some people were accepting of (but so what? they're not us), and some people just couldn't understand that. I mean, we couldn't understand it, but what was awkward was explaining to people who rule their lives by their desires and following their hearts and being devoured by the word of faith movement ("name it and claim it, God wants to prosper you now" junk) that it wasn't happening for us even though they prayed for God to make it happen. It was a huge testimony for others to see what would happen to our faith -- in front of those whose faith was shallow and kept afloat by "good things happening." What good came out of our situation was nothing at all like what people were thinking would come out of it. I'll explain the "good" another time, when I have more time to write.
All of that is a substantial explanation for why I felt such an odd peace about not appealing the PEB findings from the TDRL. It simply wasn't God's will. It was ours. And He, not anyone else, needed to take us, Mr and Mrs Stubborn, to the place in our hearts that only He could take us to, to where we would and could surrender our desires to His, all while keeping the codes of honor, duty, courage, and commitment, all the knowledge and skills and experiences we gained from it, at the forefront of our minds -- so that God could use it all in a really strange (to us) way beyond the scope of our understanding. It goes so much deeper than that, though, and no feeble blog comment about looking forward was going to help or encourage us. It had to be God.
Like I said... a LOT has been going on lately, and this is scarcely scratching the surface of what God's been doing in our minds and hearts regarding just this topic. I can't begin to get into it. It's been mind-blowing.
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