Be joyful always....?
I know I can. I'm commanded to in Scripture, so of course I "can." That's probably the reason why it's on my mind every time I have a really sour attitude. I memorize the verses I have a hard time with for this very purpose. I can't use my circumstances as an excuse to be angry to the point where bitterness or contempt takes root, because as easy as it would be, I'd be just like the world if I did. I am constantly looking at the attitudes of those around me, especially those who deal with a lot of junk like Nicholas and I, and don't give into what the world, others, their past, or the enemy tempts them with. I fight against this every day and 97% of the time, I have no trouble putting things into perspective (that is to say, winning the battle because of the truth in me) at the end of the day and rekindling the joy of my salvation, but that roughly 3% (I'm an all-or-nothing believer and take the Word seriously, so 3% matters a lot to me because the "battle" is the 97%) is really bugging me out. I get really tired of being the one who always looks for the good in things and has to basically be a cheer leader around others, especially when the circumstances of others seem easy to deal with compared to mine. I swallow a lot of pride, lay myself down, and become all things to all as often as I can, remembering that someone went through worse, and the someone is not another regular "person," but the Lord Himself.
I try not to do the whole "it could be worse" mental chant, because it's unScriptural for me to compare myself to another person, and I know it. Rather, I'm supposed to compare myself to Jesus. So THAT is where the swallowing of my pride comes in, and it's why regardless of my sourness sometimes, I can still get in the Word and enjoy it. Not because I need to humble myself for the sake of someone else, but because I need to humble myself because God is humble and gentle in heart (Matthew 11:29) and He's my example. Anyway, I don't want to sound like a broken record. I have the answers to my questions. I know what I need to do. I know what is right. It's the constant outpouring to other people while so few are interested in reciprocating the spiritual nurturing and discipleship that touches my nerve the most, because I know the challenges will never cease, and praise God for them because how else would I grow (though sometimes I wish I could grow a little less or a little slower -- but that wish is vain and shallow), but I sure do want for the Body of Believers, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to seek out every single way they can bless other believers rather than being so self-centered in their own personal growth and their own faith. God will grow us all. People often fail to see that being made uncomfortable for the sake of someone else is often the situation God will use to grow us the most. I know this, and so I try hard to live it even though it hurts. I don't want to be a hypocrite about this at all.
I've been researching statistics about pastors and spiritual leaders. There is so much going on that the general population of believers have not the slightest idea about. Yet the more I read, the more I see that wow, Nicholas and I have been through a ton of the high-level obstacles and faith-squandering situations, yet God has really shown Himself in all of the obstacles -- and we are not even "leaders" in the church. We're just normal (ha, we're anything but normal) believers. Nicholas isn't ordained, is what I'm trying to say, and yet we are going through so much of the same stinking junk and spiritual warfare that we see pastors deal with. The more I read, the more I see a ton more in Scripture, and the more serious the whole battle becomes. And then we get all these people around us who think "oh, I read the Bible once last week" or "I saved 50 cents at the store on shoes so I'm doing pretty well" or "I took my kids to a different park today" or "my husband works late so I'm reading a trashy romance novel," and it's like.... are people freaking asleep? We want honesty with each other and yet then we sit back and look at our lives and what has come of even the last five years of each of our lives, and all those little stupid "live for the moment happy times" become sweet memories perhaps, but you know something? They don't have much of a long-term effect. People are grasping for wind wondering why they can't catch it. They can't catch it because it can't be contained and kept like that. If you don't have the ability to absorb the Holy Spirit because you aren't conditioned by spending time with Him, in the Word, in prayer constantly, how can you possibly expect to be sensitive to what's going on so that you even know how to pray?
To tell you the truth, I have revamped my entire schedule, my entire thought-process of how to deal with obstacles and challenging people, how I communicate with my husband, and my parenting "techniques" so many times... but each time getting a LITTLE, and ONLY a little closer to that which the Lord is calling me to do, His perfect design, just because I'm not that attached to "how I do things." I will do it again and again for the sake of the cross no matter how much it kills me to get out of my routine (I have OCD, so my way of "doing things" kind-of needs to be done according to my patterned brain), because I see how we have no more time right now than we did 1000 years ago. Do you know what I mean? I mean time is God's, anyway. It's not ours. We play with time like it's ours. "Well, let me check my schedule," we say, but we kid ourselves. Our lives are not even our own. Or if we think they are, we have not fully surrendered our lives to God.
If that is true, can we say we walk in the truth? Or only when we remember to? It's sick and we look pathetic when we really evaluate ourselves honestly. And that's because we are pathetic when we evaluate ourselves according to God's standards. But for the love of God, we can't just sit back and hope our hands morph into jars if our hands are not jar material. With God all things are possible, but you know what? He's not going to turn your hand into a jar. Your hand is a hand. Your spirit is a jar -- a vessel. You're filled with something: Either the Holy Spirit, or a demonic one at best/worst. What are you putting into your schedule? Is it yours, or is it God's? Throw away your distractions and get real about things. Or else...... you won't even need to be a church leader to get burnt out or worn down. You won't need to send a resignation letter in or tell your church congregation you're leaving. God won't bless you with the chance to do that level of work for the kingdom. It's a blessing, remember. It's not a burden of choice. Who is using you? It's not nobody. Don't pull the independent woman card. You can't even pump your own blood through your body. You aren't in control of how often your red blood cells reproduce. Give thanks to God for this. Give thanks for specifics.
And so all of this is why the joy I find in all circumstances is met with a commitment to God's holiness and the advancement of His kingdom regardless of how much sugar my sour attitude might need here and there. If I couldn't find an amount of joy even in the uplifting of those who I believe ought to be uplifting me because they are more mature in the faith than I, I could not say the truth is in me. I'd have to reject parts of Scripture. Can I do that? Sometimes I can. And sometimes, writing about what I fight against is 80% of winning the battle.... because it starts in my mind. And the battle starts in your mind, too. It won't end until you're dead, so when you ignore it or avoid it, all you'll do is give the enemy room to wipe his feet on your heart, or a moment to plant another lie in your mind. Guard your heart with Scripture, and combat lies with the same.
Help out those who are working overtime for the kingdom's advancement on earth. We're getting burnt out because there are so few of us doing the dirty work -- the hard labor. Don't make us do it all by ourselves and then look at us like we should be happier about it, when the real reason you're so "happy" is because you're so spiritually lazy and your drug of choice is worldliness. You don't need a carnival or a festival. You're carnies all year long, playing yourselves and others as fools and then worshiping sometimes on a Sunday. So you helped Chris Tomlin gain another buck. Please don't give God a reason to vomit you out of His mouth when Christ returns.
Do I say this to make myself feel better? No. Hardly. Am I trying to encourage you? Not necessarily. I'm warning you. Is it my job to do so? Yes and no. Yes because I'm commanded to, and no because honestly, this is just what God's laid on my heart to tell you, because 80% of you, at least, won't look up what I'm referring to in the Bible, even though it's there. You'll avoid the warnings or tell yourself they are warnings for someone else. Or, you'll even dumb it down and think "it's only a warning." The believers who are not selfish are the ones who are profiting from their worn out hearts, and they are the ones God refreshes with His Spirit, and it will be counted among them as righteousness while God will look at you and say "you had your reward."
Things get pretty rough in my life, yet 97% of the time, especially as soon as I think about God, I find the joy with moderate ease. It's not because of chemicals in my brain or because God loves me more. It's not because I want some sort of crutch or means of easy scrutiny so that I don't have to spend money on psych treatment or take anti-depressants. (Funny how we all have our "crutch" in one way or another. People call it a coping mechanism -- like religion is just that. They lack understanding.) I don't like crutches, but you know what? If a crutch helps you walk while your foot heals in a cast, you realize that your foot is necessary for walking, and you see the benefit of being all you can be and using your body to its full potential, you'll use that crutch, and you'll be thankful for it. You won't make fun of people who have had to use crutches before. Spiritually-speaking, you have a void and you have wounds. You're not perfect, and what's that mean? It means somewhere along the road during your life, you either screwed up, and/or you got screwed over. If you don't get the help you need, it doesn't matter how much you want to make fun of a crutch; your wounds will fester, build up, and devour you. The help you need is salvation by faith alone in Christ alone, and then beyond that, baptism and discipleship.
The strongest men and women I ever met were the ones who did what they could with their abilities and accepted God's miracles in addition to their own strength, making themselves available. They accepted who gave them the ability to gain their strength, worked at it, pushed themselves, and pushed beyond what they thought were their limits. A crutch does not disable you. Rather, it enables you to do more than you ever dreamed you'd be able to. The punks of the world who slander those who accept help are the ones unable of believing enough to ask for it. Without faith, you cannot please God. And those who believe God cannot someday "un-believe." God is more than a small-scale crutch. He's the author and finisher of the faith that saves us. He is life. He was before anything else was, and will be after all else is gone. He does not have to think really hard to pick and choose who will be a good leader. He does not have to struggle to strike a man down with a bolt of lightning. He does not have to force Himself to love the unborn child. He is all of the good things that you hate and the good things you wish you could be. You only wish that the pathetic crutch (parties, food, drinks, books, movies, cigarettes, bitterness, revenge, concerts, boyfriends/girlfriends, work, etc) you depend on was that perfect. You wish it could save you. You wish it filled that void and that you wouldn't thirst for it again in a short while, but you know you will. Why walk on a broken and incapable crutch?
I know God's promises and judgments are sincere, but most of all, because I fear Him, and fearing God, while it sounds odd to the world, is the beginning of wisdom, and the man or woman who finds wisdom finds joy in it, because the wise are the righteous, and the righteous have salvation, and salvation is always something to be joyful about.
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