Contentment. This is new.

Praise:

For my entire life up until very recently, I was only able to *wrestle* against discontentment, and it was deeply rooted, much to my dismay. I have in the last few weeks found more contentment in living within my means, being home, doing what I'm supposed to do, having a roof over my head, and having food than ever before. Am I more blessed than I was before breakthrough came? Nope. Some nasty baggage was thrown out. I got a few harsh reality checks.

You know you've got it bad when people who are content with less than you have are able to freely worship God without eyes on their loss and you aren't. My attitude was so disgusting. I'm not full of glee like a little girl with a new kitten right now, but... I am actually content.

Contentment is an issue of the heart. It's nothing to do with having a certain thing, a certain person, a better health condition, job, financial bracket, *cough* president, dinner spread for company, or outdoor temperature. This was brought up to me in counseling months ago, when I realized just how much I complicated things in my life. That day, I fell apart, snot gushing out of my face in front of the counselor, a man who's pretty well-known, and my husband, and I knew that there was no possibility of saving face.

The darkness each of us has inside gets brought up at one point or another, and that's why I have liberty in Christ to be so transparent. If I didn't know that nothing that is hidden remains hidden was true, there's no way I'd be so vulnerable. I'm not afraid to admit my failures, for there are many. My triumph is [being of] Christ, and not even "my" triumph. No doubt, however, I have worked hard to bear fruit worthy of my repentance in the unnoticed [except before God] moments throughout my day and I prayed that God would show me, when I was ready, that the burden had been lifted.

Compassion swells within me for those who live under [often] self-inflicted oppression.

A thought I believe I need to share with someone who's going to read this is... whatever sin you're fighting against, please don't stop fighting against it. "Those who endure to the end shall be saved." It might be really hard to fight, and you might be sideswiped by "life" to the point of exhaustion on top of it, but God won't allow anything in your life that you can't handle with His help. It doesn't really matter if you think you can't handle it and it doesn't matter if you don't want the growth that will come by means of the trial you're in or the sin you're fighting. Many times we can't and don't handle what we are dealing with because we haven't relinquished an emotional grip on what truly doesn't even belong to us. God is God. You don't have to "let" Him be who He is. Don't give yourself a brain cramp. Trust Him and He'll sort out the details. If you're not sure what's trustworthy about God, the Bible can show you. If you don't have a Bible, check one out online. If you're not sure where to start reading, "somewhere" is a good place to start.